of hating and submitting and the balance

what happens when i stop holding the shattered word
that would name me?

it used to slip
out my lips like a blue newborn
this woman-word.

return it to me and I'm doomed
like a rabbit. this animal?
she only ovulates when penetrated.

regard me like prey
at your own expense -- i was only a woman
when you all decided to violate me,
gender blooming under my skin like spreading broken yolk.

wounds and warrens and war have left their marks on me.
i won't face out towards your ring of spears
tied in my own skin and bound for it.

i no longer identify with the power of rising above.

i'd rather slip between your ankles and forget
the whole mess of still wanting desire.

like i said, i'll be prey when it's your funeral.
until then, bite me and i'll walk.
i am not a woman.
i don't want to remember anymore.