I've never felt my body go numb before,
but between the migraine and my mother
coming in with tea and a back massage
to pull the splinters of time out of me
and align the frail nerve-maps of my spine
i felt a new kind of nothing.
A present-and-i'm-here nothing
like a you-didn't-get-me nothing
because i will be happy again
and dammit we have all the same friends.
A locked-in-place nothing
like the rest of the network
took over for a second
A nothing that gently filled me after you left
my lungs, poured out of me
like liquid smoke
or boltbus exhaust
like the tar of every cigarette i inhaled
and every boy i fucked because
you did.
And after our life flashed before my eyes,
I thanked the world
for showing me something greater than you:
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